Raccoons

Jared W:
Jared W:
see
Jared W:
how can you hate them
Isaac Schlueter:
i grew up with them
Isaac Schlueter:
you’re like the naive boy who thinks the pretty girl must be nice, because she is pretty.
Isaac Schlueter:
i know she kills kittens and plays in garbage.
Isaac Schlueter:
AJB61sT
Isaac Schlueter:
i assume that they then proceeded to drown the hellspawn, before it could grow into a full-sized monster.
Isaac Schlueter:
it’s the only moral choice.
Jared W:
the moral choice would be give him a cupcake
Jared W:
and perhaps some pizza
Isaac Schlueter:
you are blinded by the cute.
Jared W:
and the awesome
Isaac Schlueter:
i’d think that an aussie would understand animals being evil, since you are from the island where Nature Wants To Kill You
Jared W:
they steal floormats
Isaac Schlueter:
did i ever tell you about the time that raccoons broke into my car, and shat on the seats?
Isaac Schlueter:
i’m not joking.
Isaac Schlueter:
they actually did this.
Jared W:
what did you do to annoy them
Isaac Schlueter:
oh, i don’t know, i lived in connecticut and parked my car in my driveway
Isaac Schlueter:
they took some stinky raw chicken from the garbage, used their claws to push down my car windows (permanently breaking the window roll-down mechanism), tore up my seats, and shat right on the dashboard. then left the chicken bones in the car.
Isaac Schlueter:
they’re not cute when they’re shitting in your car and getting rotten chicken juice all over the damn place.
Isaac Schlueter:
they were still there the next morning, just chillin
Isaac Schlueter:
and SUPER PISSED that i wanted them to leave.
Jared W:
Seems reasonable